Random Thoughts, Comments & Observations

1. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

2. I won't go in to my butt-wiping but, I get the job done.

3. My mother uses a Q-Tip to itch her bunger hole.

4. My mother likes to say random phrases, such as: "Piss too!" "Ass too!" and "Piss off my back!"
Ass too means that if someone tells my mother she's an asshole (which she is), instead of her saying, "you're an asshole too!" back, she simply says, "ass too!"
Piss too is someone telling her to piss off or what she determines randomly as someone telling her to piss off. Again, "piss too."
Piss off my back I haven't figured out. I just always picture a person standing on my mother's back pissing.

5. One time a parade was going through town and I told her I was going to bring my son to see it. Her response was, "I wouldn't cross a street to see a parade." I told her, "Well, good thing you wouldn't have to since it'd be going right down the middle of the street."

6. My mother likes to "dethaw" things.
"I should take chicken out to dethaw it.
So I'd say back, "aren't you just going to leave it in the freezer then? I mean, if you were going to thaw it out, that's one thing but if you're wanting to just leave it frozen, you might as well just keep it in the freezer."
She never understood.

7. I know a woman that pronounces "chimney" as "chimley." I'd ask her periodically what that thing on the wall was. You know, the thing with the big gaping hole that has fire in it. "Oh, you mean the chimley?" Idget.

8. My father in describing a person of different color than white would describe their ethnicity. "Did you see that black guy in the blue shirt?" "That Asian woman was nice." Why not just, "Did you see that guy in the blue shirt?" Or, "That woman was nice?" That never made any sense to me. I'm sure he didn't want people saying, "You see that over weight guy with the receding hair line? He was nice."