Jokes, Jokes and More Jokes

A couple are broke and to make ends-meat, they agree the wife will start hooking. They travel downtown and stop on the side of the street. The wife says, "What do I do? How much do I charge?"
The husband repllies, "Go and stand at that corner and if anyone comes up to you, tell them it's $100." She says okay and goes to the corner. Within five minutes a man approaches and asks her how much. She tells him $100 and he says he only has $30. She tells him to hold on and runs back to her husband. The husband tells her that for $30 he can get a hand job. The wife runs back to the guy and tells him what $30 will get him. He agrees and right there on the corner, unzips his fly and notices that he's exceptionally well hung. The wife tells him to hold on again, runs back to her husband and asks, "Honey, can I borrow $70?"

I used to date a midget but we had to break up. It was really sad but I just had to. Her nose kept getting stuck in my zipper.

A guy moves from the city to the country to get away from it all. His neighbor comes over a couple days later to introduce himself and says, "Howdy neighbor. I'm going to be having a party tonight and was wondering if you'd like to come on over.
The city guy says, "Sure, I'd love to!"
The hick says, "You know, we'll probably be having some drinks if that's all right."
"Oh of course!" says the city guy. "It's been a hell of a week and I could go for a drink or two."
"Great!" says the hick. "Cause we'll be playing games and dancing a little too."
The city guy thinks a second and says, "Okay I suppose that's alright. I haven't danced or played games in years but I'm sure it'll be fun."
"That's good to hear because there may be a little sex involved too" the hick tells him.
The city guy perks up and says, "Sex? Really? Oh. Okay. It's been a while for that too so I'd look forward to that as well. By the way," he asks as an afterthought, "how many people are you expecting at this party?"
The hick takes a step closer to the city guy and says, "Oh...it'll just be you and me."